Finally, after years of dithering poverty, I did it.
I sent off an entire pay cheque, before I could spend it on things much less lasting, to bring Mana Manna, a.k.a. Biowash, to my town.
What on earth, you may ask, is Mana Manna? And why should your town care what you do with your little old pay cheque?
Powell River, you see, is on about food security and sustainability. We are two ferries and 80 kilometers away from Civilization and, although we rather like that aspect of living here, relative remoteness, not to mention Greedy-guts BC Ferries, has its queasy side. What if suddenly the flow of all this processed pseudo-food stopped? Yoicks! No more cream puffs for this wolf pack!
A few years ago, I ran into a biochemist type in Orlando—or perhaps Dr. Tidwell ran into me; I don’t remember. What makes Ted Tidwell most memorable, however, is his wonderful creation, an oily organic golden liquid he calls Biowash. I came away with a sample so small that I could have taken it onboard the aircraft in my purse, and once I reached home, I sprayed the stuff (in dilute form) on my apparently dead Italian berry bush, my moribund ancient apple tree, my underperforming plum and whatever else looked desperate.
Wow! Witness the resurrection of the berry bush, the remission of the apple tree, the enthusiasm of the plum! This is great stuff!
The effects were permanent, too. I joined the swelling ranks of Biowash admirers, many of whom post glowing testimonials to Ted or online. They tell stories of being the only farmer for miles around whose crop survived a drought, of oranges that swelled to twice their previous size, of crops, form rice to tomatoes, whose yield doubled or more after Biowash. Not only does this stuff strengthen a plant’s ability to take in nourishment from air and soil to the point where its root ball is twice the size of that of a non-Biowash plant, but Biowash also acts as a soil amendment, healing the dirt from poisons. It’s EPA-certified organic and so safe you can brush your teeth with it.
I call the stuff Mana Manna: mana after the Hawai’ian word for power or strength, and manna after “manna from heaven”, that mysterious stuff the Lord heli-dropped on the Chosen People when they were starving, according to the Old Testament somewhere. Mana Manna means a powerful benison for any farm or garden.
So long, Monsanto. Take your glyphosate and shove it—into space, up your wazoo or anywhere it won’t sicken living things.
We’re a Mana Manna town now.